12/20/13

Rising Action

I write for a living. And, so I enjoy good copy and a nice turn. But, whoever is doing the correspondence for North Korea is plainly from the future of writing. Or maybe the sideways of writing. Like a type of writing that runs parallel to actual writing. He’s like the North Korean Homer. Or maybe the Commie Charles Shultz. Epic comedy.

In a prior statement North Korea had announced a “Special Operation Action Group,” ambitiously proposing the annihilation of South Korea within a very, very, very narrow timeframe:

Once the above-said special actions kick off, they will reduce all the rat-like groups and the bases for provocations to ashes in three or four minutes, in much shorter time, by unprecedented peculiar means and methods of our own style.

Just yesterday, in reaction to recent South Korean protests, North Korea facsimiled over a statement that again threatened plans to “strike mercilessly without notice,” which is kind of interesting insofar as the facsimile appears to constitute the precise thing they blood-swore to never, ever give. Notice. Maybe they just meant no additional honk at the end of the driveway. I also love how we’re at a technological point where hearing that something was faxed sounds to our ear like an admission to cobbling one’s own shoes. Or smoking a corn pipe.

twain pipe
(The ipoetlaureate enjoying a good drag.)

In the past, the ipoetlaureate has been privy to additional details about the “unprecedented peculiar means and methods of our own style.” I previously took the liberty of making an English translation of the North Korean threats reduced to music and which also reprises arguably the most famous rap line I’ve ever written (@ 1:40).

I have posted the blong again below in light of yesterday’s additional threats. Here’s to a LOT more pen-pallory between these great giants of discourse in the new year.

Words ostensibly by Kim Jung Un’s personal copywrite. Translation and performance by the ipoetlaureate. Music produced by djclutch.

Today’s song blog here:

The Unprecedented Peculiar Means and Methods of Our Own Style

07/10/13

Occasional Poetry

Not as in “on occasion” but for them — occasions. Apparently, I didn’t invent it.

I’ve been doing “occasional poetry” all along and had no idea there was a literary term for it. And, as one will note in the linked-to article above concerning the presidential poem delivered at this year’s inauguration, it suffers the same bias (as news blonging). Our subconcious or maybe concious expectations eschew hyper-topical poems, apparently. I guess we think that grandiosity and exceptionalism will be obscured by the practical detail of a story that is simply about right now or this year.

I also think that people aren’t looking in the right spot. I’ve heard, at run of the mill poetry slams, impressively topical and tactile work. They just aren’t invited to give innaugral addresses.

In addition to being topical and for “occasion,” my poetry has literally been only occasional, of late, as in not very regular. I really thought I was done there for a while. First, I was sad, and then I was relieved. Even when I had a free evening, I’d be like, “Nah, I probably should watch more Naked and Afraid” or “Ehhh, let me reverse the lens on my iphone camera and look at myself some more.”

In the interim, I was clearly missed as evidenced by the following excerpt. A dear and sensitive friend dropped me a note:

Joe, I thought of you when I was in Paris earlier this month. The suffusion of French youth culture with hip hop is now total. I saw kids walking around with pants around their knees, flat-brimmed baseball caps, and other accoutrement of that debased culture everywhere I went. It was just appalling. Our signature national export now appears to be the absolute worst element of American popular culture, a global pestilence that is infecting young people everywhere. It depressed me deeply.

See? What I do here matters.

But, my absence was not for no good reason. AKA for good reason.

I had to save an entire fish estuary. Ever heard of one? Me neither.

I had to watch Walking Dead Season 3. With a Zombie. (You might recall my wife is undead.) I’m sure you had the luxury of watching all 13 episodes with a fully alive spouse or significant other.

I had to record a whole new album. Ever done that? Didn’t think so. Shut it.

I had to prepare tax returns. You too? Whatever.

I had to coach my son’s little league baseball team. Sounds fun, right? Nope. We were the Royals.

I had to shovel 10 cubic yards of double ground mulch. What’s a cubic yard, you ask? No clue. Don’t care. All I know is that I didn’t see you out there.

I had to listen to hundreds of sports and news podcasts. Why would someone do that? Because they’ve quit on life.

Not to mention, my job, carpooling, lunch making, yelling senselessly at my children, Sunday School, and updating my ChristianMingle.com profile.

I’ve heard from many of you that you would have liked to hear my take on such and such. Well, tough noogies. Those matchless insights have been lost to eternity.

But, your boy’s back. (Well, except next week when I’ll be in NYC and two weeks after that when I’m at the beach. But, otherwise, I’m totally and completely back.)

Performed by ipoetlaureate. Music produced by Sundance.

Today’s blong here:

Wouldn't You Like to Know

04/23/12

3 or 4 Minutes

North Korea released this statement, today, about a “Special Operation Action Group,” ambitiously proposing the annihilation of South Korea within a very narrow timeframe:

Once the above-said special actions kick off, they will reduce all the rat-like groups and the bases for provocations to ashes in three or four minutes, in much shorter time, by unprecedented peculiar means and methods of our own style.

The ipoetlaureate has received additional details about the “unprecedented peculiar means and methods of our own style.” I took the liberty of making an English translation reduced to music which also reprises arguably the most famous rap line I’ve ever written (@ 1:40).

Words ostensibly by Kim Jung Un. Translated and performed by the ipoetlaureate. Music produced by djclutch.

Today’s song blog here:

The Unprecedented Peculiar Means and Methods of Our Own Style