Football Fantasy

The hardest fantasy football song ever written.

This is for all the “girls” in my fantasy football league that I’m going to embarrass again this year at not-real football.

[My apologies to real girls everywhere for using your gender so pejoratively. While I don’t think you’re less capable at fantasy football than men, all the cheauvanist pig Neanderthals in my fantasy football league do, and so it still makes for an effective insult. I’m using their own bigotry against them, even as I’m plainly enlightened.]

I wrote this anthem last year for my favorite fantasy football podcast, “Fantasy Focus,” hosted by ESPN’s Matthew Berry, Nate Ravitz, Stephania Bell, and Podvader.

In spite of the song’s obvious merits, they still refuse to make it their standard intro. Matthew Berry did “favorite” my tweet about it and my challenge to Eric Hutchinson, whose song is presently the Fantasy Focus anthem, to a fantasy football song battle.

Now, to suggest that Eric is a “chicken” would be more than I feel comfortable doing. But, maybe a yellow belly? Or coward?

As far as their failure to make my song their official anthem, I’m sure the crew over at Fantasy Focus just forgot. So, I would encourage you all to spend the remainder of the week reminding them.



You might also want to ask @EricHutchinson why he’s so lilly livered?

Please be respectful, however, to abide by the Twitter daily limit and keep your tweets to Matthew, Nate, Stephania, and PodVader south of 1000 tweets a day. Thanks in advance.



Look, I only had a handful of reasonable song blogging choices for tonight, right?

Deadly power outages in Cuba; the terrible motorcade accident that killed one of President Obama’s police escorts; or writing a diss track to the members of my fantasy football league. Eat my % Owned Voldemort’s Confetti !

I kept it classy and went fake-football-game smack talk. Maybe the only thing more ridiculous than grown men playing not-football is a song about it.

But my madness has some method. Today’s blong also doubles as a shameless promotional vignette for my favorite fantasy football podcast, “Fantasy Focus,” hosted by Matthew Berry, Nate Ravitz, Stephania Bell, and Podvader, who will hopefully and enthusiastically re-tweet my site, add my song to their bumper and intro music, and make me and this enterprise in endless song blogging world famous. I also gratuitously threw in Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless because they’re actual and recognizable ESPN personalities.

Don’t get me wrong. If my plan works, it hasn’t been a free ride. All of these individuals remain in my ear around the clock. I think I’ve heard every stream or podcast of First Take and Fantasy Focus for nearly as long as they’ve been on. These, in addition to the BS Report, Behind the Bets, every ESPN radio franchise, and all the bloggingheadstv podcasts, are what buoy me through my life’s steeple chase of dish washing, lawn mowing, grocery shopping, bill paying, and child rearing. The other day, I thought my six year old daughter was giving me advice on her top 15 players at RB2, when I realized I just had my earbuds in. Apparently, she just needed toilet paper. (Yes, of course, I got her a roll. Sheesk. Right after Pod finished the Name Game intro. That gets me everytime! You’re so crazy, Podvader!)

Anyway, sorry. So, yeah, dues paid.

I would also like to take this opportunity to formally challenge Eric Hutchinson, whose song is presently the Fantasy Focus anthem, to a fantasy football song battle. A lyricism off. A grammar guerrilla war. A word face punch fight. A real-life fantasy duel.

Drop Eric. Add me.

Don’t front, Eric. You can’t hide behind you’re “great voice” and “real musical ability” and “clever song writing” and “actual instruments” any longer.

This is hip hop. Welcome to the terrordome.

Written and performed by sintax.the.terrific (theipoetlaureate).  Music produced by the one Dave Santos.

Today’s song blog here:

Autodraft Beef