04/16/15

Pro ConTV

Wizard World, the entity behind the most significant of the Comic Con events, has launched an online channel, ConTV.com, featuring the quirky in fantasy, horror, sci-fi, and comedy media and entertainment. Think Elvira meets Bruce Lee meets some movie called “Zombie A$$.”

ConTv_Logo

In honor of the recent launch, today’s blong is an as of yet non-official theme hopefully to be made official soon. I mean it includes a reference to both “Voltron” and “leotard fashion.” I’m not sure what else you could really want in a nerdest anthem.

Under Your Bed (ConTV Theme)

ConTV also hosts original content, including the hit game show, Last Fan Standing, hosted by the indomitable Bruce Campbell.

Last Fan Standing Key Art

I announced previously that I had written the theme for that show, which is now on Episode 6.

The theme song is available now at iTunes and Amazon and can be streamed on Spotify. Search “Last Fan Standing.”

Performed by sintax.the.terrific. Music produced by Sir Chamberlain.

Lyrics here.

Retread blong here:

Last Fan Standing (Official Game Show Theme)

04/16/15

Trailer II

I think Mr. Mcconaughey speaks/weeps for us all.

I already reminded concerning the Rule of Two.

Written and performed by sintax.the.terrific. Music produced Matt Pelishek.

Today’s blong here:

The Empire

03/8/15

Personal Anthem (Phoenix Jones and Last Fan Standing)

Because, well, everybody needs one.

All of song blogging is anthem writing, in a sense. Anthems for events and times and people. Taking topics uncommon, maybe even corny, to song writing and trying to find the kernel of real passion and humanity. Where is the glory and the grit in the story and sh!t?

From Diana Nyad to Work to Ride, the all black polo team, to Dallas Wiens, the face transplant survivor, I’ve been writing theme songs for years, even as I was just attempting to cover the people and stories, of the news, in art. And by “art” I may mean reconstructive surgery raps.

Most famously, the Phoenix Jones theme song:

Phoenix Jones was recently profiled in this ESPN expose. He was previously a regional MMA fighter. Apparently, it gets a little slow around Bristol after football season and before the NBA playoffs.

His ex-colleague in crime fighting and domestic abuse prevention heroin, Purple Reign, had these kind things to say about the anthem:

purple reign facebook
There are two takes. That we overuse hero or that there’s a little bit in all of us. I break slightly toward the latter. Of course, by contrast to Jones, my entire career in heroing consists of a broken arm jumping off a porch, caped, at four and rescuing my cat from the sewer. And, what little Superman I had in me has recently all been evacuated. I feel a lot like this:

So here’s to Phoenix Jones and the imperfect hero in all of us. You have a Personal Anthem. Your day has a soundtrack. Your show has a theme song. Your crew has a battle hymn. I just maybe haven’t written it yet.

In other anthem news, I am happy to officially announce that I have recorded the theme song to Bruce Campbell’s game show, Last Fan Standing, to premier on ConTV, the television adjunct to the famous Comic Cons.

Last Fan Standing Key Art

The show begins next week and the song is available now at iTunes and Amazon and can be streamed on Spotify. Search “Last Fan Standing.”

The real irony of the show is that people have spent a gob smacking number of hours actually sitting to be the fan, last standing. Celebrating the nerdist in each of us, today’s blong below.

Performed by sintax.the.terrific. Music produced by Sir Chamberlain.

Lyrics here.

Last Fan Standing (Official Game Show Theme)

10/13/13

Love Hurts Too

In honor of the Walking Dead premiere tonight and watching romantically with your significant, albeit potentially undead, other, a Press Junket love song and classic below.

As many of you are aware, my wife has walked among the non-living for years now. Dead eyes. Blood lust. Poor hygiene. Travels in roving packs of girlfriends to the lavatory. Typical signs.

Look. She’s hideous.

susan and me daytona

I narrowly escaped this brutal attack.

Written and performed by theipoetlaureate. Music produced by djclutch.

Today’s song blog here:

Walking Dead

08/14/13

Man of the Cloth

Like a miniature Podcast Hadron Collider, my recently upgraded-to iPhone 5 nearly destroyed the known universe.

Without warning, my two most severe passions circled back on each other at speeds approaching that of light, when the Sports Guy, Bill Simmons, this week, dedicated an entire podcast to the cinema career of Jodie Foster. Like two tiny neutrinos of cultural icon, my favorite sports analyst collided with the star of my indisputably favorite movie, when he declared Contact “unwatchable,” nearly tearing a small earbud shaped black hole in the ESPN Podcenter of space/time. (Actually, I believe he said that this masterpiece of movie story telling “put the ‘un’ in unwatchable,” if I remember correctly. At the time, my body was being stretched infinitely high by the extreme gravitational effects of the microscopic black hole, so I can’t be certain.)

Ask my wife. After years of reading him, I just whisper, in a delicate Boston brogue, “That’s Bill Simmons – That’s Bill Simmons – That’s Bill Simmons,” whenever he does NBA Countdown or appears on PTI or calls in to Colin Cowherd.

Ask my friends. How many times I’ve made them watch Contact. On Blu-Ray. And, repeat:

I guess you could say, “I’m a man of the cloth . . .

without the cloth.”

We all eventually disagree with someone we admire. But, to pursue with such august, over so long a time, such weirdly disparate enthusiasms, as Bill and Contact, and for them to so impossibly and ruthlessly meet on a sports podcast, is to feel as though you’ve reached a kind of event horizon of your interests. Like finding the end of the internet. Only, when you get there, you realize that at the intersection of all you love, your one passion thinks your other passion is a piece of crap.

I’ve been reading Jim Holt’s book, Why Does the World Exist?

I didn’t invite any, but my daughter naively answered the cover, “Because God made it.” I laughed at her and told her that she was not very smart.

Holt’s book is subtitled an “existential detective story,” which I think can be roughly translated, “Small moves, Ellie. Small moves.” (Yep. Contact quote. Won’t be the last.)

To various know-it-alls, scientific and philosophical, Holt asks, “Why is there something instead of nothing?” Which really is the most fundamental question one can ask, whether or not you are a person of faith. I suppose, on its face, it sounds irreligious or sacrilegious. But, it’s not.

For atheists and other variety of secular humanists, the question obviously focuses on what proceeded the singularity in the big bang. Nothing. Or Something. Did the dot of matter and energy at the dawn of time materialize from a real kind of nothingness or is there some alternative explanation of oscillating or infinite regression?

But, the question is true for any Divine belief, as well. How do you explain the existence of a Creator God? Either It came from nothing or always was.

Both theories are imponderable, of course. But, they are the only two possible explanations regardless of your conception of creation, religious or secular.

Since Einstein, the concepts in quantum physics have slowly increased in their philosophical influence over the culture of how we understand our origins and purposes. And, I generally love it. The New York Times Bestsellers List, every year, is guaranteed to have offerings of this kind. As Holt’s subtitle suggests, we love collecting the clues. And, the 13 particles (including Higgs Boson) of the Standard Model are like galactic breadcrumbs, through the universe, back home.

But, it dawned on me, what a weird perspective this is. To look at the manufacturing or components of our existence to draw conclusions about origin or purpose.

I mean, you would never presume to look at a sparkplug to guess about the purpose or design of a Ferrari.

Or to the electrode in the sparkplug.

Or to the copper-core of the electrode in the sparkplug.

Or to the atomic structure of the copper-core of the electrode in the sparkplug.

There is nothing about this “drilling down” that brings you closer to knowing or explaining the joy that the Italian sports car brings to sentient, testosterone fueled bipeds.

spark_plug

I mean a sparkplug tells you something about a Ferrari. It’s electrical. It’s a machine. But, the view at best is fairly myopic and provincial. The truth is wildly more spectacular.

Driving the Ferrari on the Autobahn? Everything you need to know.

So, why isn’t this generally true of humanity? Why doesn’t this personal and relational consciousness we experience, inclined towards morality albeit imperfectly so, tell us more about our origins and purpose than the randomized, inhuman, subatomic particles from which we exploded?

In the same way, driving a car to the store or work or graduation should tell you a good bit more about it’s actual purpose than reverse engineering one of its gaskets or spark plugs.

I won’t make a full defense of Contact, here. The last 30 minutes, however, are essentially flawless. They include (1) the most likely and realistically depicted extraterrestrial encounter ever shown on screen (embedded above) and (2) one of the most poignant expressions of existential faith and experience (embedded below), since Chewy screamed when they slammed the Rebel Base blast doors shut on Han and Luke still trapped out in the perilous subzero landscape of Hoth.

In her earlier disbelief, Jodie Foster’s character, Dr. Arroway, at one point challenges the fully believable priest character, portrayed by Matthew McConaughy at the height of his smarm:

So what’s more likely? That an all-powerful, mysterious God created the Universe, and decided not to give any proof of his existence? Or, that He simply doesn’t exist at all, and that we created Him, so that we wouldn’t have to feel so small and alone?

I have been conditioned my whole life to believe the former. So, my take is not very objective. But, when you look at the Ferrari of our existence, in contrast to the gasket of our quantum origins, I would disagree that a mysterious and relational God has given us no proof of Its existence.

And, in our disagreement with Foster, Bill Simmons and I appear to, in fact, agree. Again.

Black hole averted.

Written and performed by theipoetlaureate. Music produced Haralduz7.

Today’s blong here:

Wrong End

12/26/12

Castle on a Cloud

Les Miserables.

See it.

Now.

I’m proud of the work I do here. I think I’ll be able to look my kids in they eye 20 years from now, for it.

But, sometimes there is a kind of art that stirs so deeply as to be unbearable.

The newly released cinematic version of the beloved and timeless musical is of this kind.

Today’s song is a retread concerning this year’s French presidential elections and my son’s first time to see the theatrical version. Don’t listen to it. Just go see the movie.

Seasons greetings. Still on news rap holiday.

Today’s blong here:

Le Pen-dulum Swings

11/1/12

The Rule of Two

We were warned.

There are always two. Apprentice and Master.

We thought George Lucas was the Master. The genius who brought us the greatest Sci-Fi universe ever conceived. But, in the immortal words of Ben Kenobi, “There is another.” And, so apparently George was only a kind of Lord Vader to Disney’s Emperor. Which makes sense because Lucas’ hair has plainly been horribly disfigured in a lava accident.

(And no doppleganger jokes.)

If you haven’t heard, Disney bought Lucasfilm and by extension the entire Star Wars franchise — for $1000.

Sorry. Strike that. 4.05 billion dollars. (I always round to the nearest .05 billion.)

And, in case you’ve forgotten, Disney “is not a moon. It’s a space station.”

So, plan on Vader helmets with mouse ears for the foreseeable future. And, if you don’t think a Blu-Ray version of Little Mermaid isn’t being released with a Jabba cameo you’re naive. He loves the ladies with the seashell-bras!

I’m sort of conflicted, though. As so many who were raised on the classic installations, this sort of piling on is a kind of heresy. The volume of Star Wars movies and spin-offs is going to make the Bond franchise look like a Lifetime three-part mini series.

But the Anakin in me is sort of mischievously excited. Light sabers and wookies and jedis every two years??!

Welcome to the Disney World Dark Side.


(teenormous.com)

Written and performed by theipoetlaureate. Music produced Matt Pelishek.
(No joke I just have these kind of beats lying around. Crazy right? Providence and joys of song blogging.)

Today’s blong here:

The Empire

[Correction: I’m aware that the production company was originally “Twentieth Century Fox.” You can’t be too careful with Star Wars nerds. I would have never heard the end of that one.]