Category Archives: science

01/30/13

Deer Blind

For those of you who don’t own any camouflage, wooden duck calls, or lawn gnomes, a deer blind is a kind of small, single or double occupancy, hunting shelter, typically elevated, that disguises the gunman from Bambi. I guess the simple advantage of a long-range firearm and scope is apparently not enough imbalance in the transaction.

It’s also what we are, apparently. Deer blind.

Because, if the Deer Antler Spray Bowl doesn’t convince you that GMAs (Genetically Modified Athletes (trademark pending)) are the future, I don’t know what will. I actually think the clinical term is “Antler Velvet Liposomal.” It sounds like a Belk cologne. Or maybe a delicious cake.

Deer-Antler-Spray-IGF-1-spray

Ray Lewis, the Baltimore Ravens pro-bowl linebacker, is alleged to have sprayed a deer antler hardener under his tongue to accelerate the recovery of his torn triceps, as well as drunk negatively charged water and maybe re-eaten his own once-digested ear wax. It doesn’t matter whether or not he actually did. Even that the idea might have materialized in someone else’s mind just for the purposes of falsely accusing him of it is enough lunacy to prove the point. Athletes, and the scientists and handlers that would cater to their success, will do anything to gain competitive advantage. Witches brew, monkey brain, water aerobics. (Don’t laugh. The Y has a brutal class.) But, as it turns out Deer Antler spray might be rampant, one of those industry secrets for which the rest of us are just now getting a late pass.

So we can either continue deer blind, so to speak, or we can accept that so long as there are people running and jumping and tackling each other there are going to be people injecting animal parts into their human parts. I mean, surely it’s one of the Seven Seals or Bowls of the Biblical Tribulation that the demure and gentlemenly Vijay Singh, of all people, is quoted as saying something to the effect: “I didn’t know that antler extract was banned.” Whhaaat?? Vijay’s on the antler sauce?

I’m just telling you. This is a no win deal. But, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, I think the saying goes. So, for today’s blong, I’ve detailed my recommendations for staying in peak competitive form, well into your early 90s. Now, you might grow a lion’s mane and a small schnauzer tail but you’ll be able to dominate neighborhood H.O.R.S.E for years to come. Your fingernails might fall out as well. But, you’ll be able to throw your curbside trash can 150 yards. You’ll have no elbows. But, you’ll do 500 pushups at at a time — with your tongue. You’ll smell like panda. But, your teeth will win an olympic medal in three events. You’ll grow wings and a scorpion stinger.

Performed by ipoetlaureate. Music produced by djclutch.

Today’s blong here:

Deer Blind

07/17/12

No Spin

So the science community is again threatening us with finding the Higgs-Boson. Notwithstanding the admitted and sheer improbability of ever finding the “G-dd@amn Particle” in the avalanche of data compiled by the various particle accelerators around the world, every six months or so the physics community, the mainstream media, or some conspiracy of the two warn us that they’re about to. Watch out. Oh you thought it was called the “God Particle”? Sorry. No. That’s the sanitized-for-public-consumption version. It’s called the “G-dd@amn Particle” because they can’t find the dang thing. Honest.

Theoretical physics is awesome. This idea that men and women scratching lonely numbers on a sheet of paper could make, not simply educated guesses, but Battleship direct hits on some of the greatest and deepest mysteries of the cosmos, without the aid of clinical experiment, is pretty special. And, to those on political philosophy only, books about it are my favorite.

But, there is some irony in it all. Richard Dawkins and others are ruthless in condemning a kind of “god of the gaps” mentality among the religious. I don’t know the answer, so it must have been “god.” I can’t explain creation, so it must have been “god.” Tebow can’t throw, so it must have been “god.”

But, that’s sort of precisely what theoretical physics is, right? There is a hole in the data. A paradox in the theory. A gap in the explanation. And, these brilliant individuals make a guess, albeit educated and well measured, but a guess nonetheless about the “god” necessary to bridge the gap. String theory. Multiple universes. Higgs-Boson. These are all a type of “god of the gaps” — the only explanation we can come up that makes the rest of what we do see and experience make sense. To be sure, many a scientist has been rocked by an unexpected empirical turn. Expanding universe. The attributes of light. But, regularly we are looking for those things as we’ve imagined them to exist.

And with Higgs-Boson, specifically, scientists have all types of expectations about its character. It has no spin. It’s massive. Other particles are generated out of its decay. It’s actually part of an enormous and ubiquitous background Higgs field, that gives reality it’s physical structure.

The famous theoretical physicist Lawerence Krauss said, “That’s the difference between science and religion. We don’t require the universe to be what we want — we force our beliefs to conform to the evidence of reality.”

But, isn’t that precisely what the search for Higgs-Boson is? Expecting the universe to be exactly as we believe it must be?

For a change, though, it would be nice to “discover” something we didn’t expect.

Performed by ipoetlaureate. Music produced by pumpkinFoot.

Today’s song blog here:

All Spin

07/9/12

Sporks over Knoons

So, we’re on vacation.

My wife and I are finally getting around to watching Forks over Knives, the convicting documentary I’ve discussed previously concerning plant based nutrition. As in, we’re literally watching it as I type.

So, I thought I’d do a running journal review.

8:58 Put in Forks over Knives.

9:00 My son calls me into the guest room, where he’s sleeping, to share some sabermetric pitching statistics about the Negro League ball club, the Homestead Grays. Don’t ask me. Your guess is as good as mine.

9:10 Movie makes it’s opening case: A plant based diet would cure our overweight and diseased generation.

9:11 I separate Tollhouse Chocolate Chunk cookie dough slabs by the recommended inch and a half on the bake sheet and slide into oven. Assuming “plant-based” diet, includes the Nestle plant in Allentown, Pennsylvania. Set timer for 14 minutes.

9:15 All three kids standing in the den at various stages of clothedness. My daughter has a dollop of toothpaste on her brush that could end gingivitis in Nepal.

9:22 Alarming statistics correlating animal proteins and cancer.

9:27 Line each of our bowls with a cookie, and spoon indiscriminate quantity of Blue Bell Cookies ‘n Creme on top. From logo on half gallon drum, now have devastating reason to believe that ice cream is somehow derived from what appears to be a four-legged, cloven hoofed “animal.” Thought it was a grain.

9:28 Return in time to catch a tight shot of a human chest splayed open for bypass surgery. Luckily only the slightest resemblance between deep tissue and an ice cream sunday.

9:28:30 Halfway through my own bowl. Have abandoned use of all utensils, forks, knives, and ladles. Just troughin’ it.

9:46 Terrified by frozen smiles of families enjoying the first processed foods in footage from the 50s. These clips likely represent the only remaining evidence that one could actually enjoy themselves in the company of family.

9:54 Slipping into dessert coma.

10:23 Motivational triad of “pleasure seeking,” “pain avoidance,” and “energy conservation” blamed for everything from over eating to the Iran Contra affair to Dick Vitale’s voice. Strong alibi next time I’m called a cowardly, lazy, pervert.

10:29 Speaking of lazy, wife catches me allowing last melted ounces of ice cream to pour slowly into my mouth from bowl held aloft over my reclined head.

10:42 85 year old woman confesses to using “a lot of gravy” in her life.

10:43 Think to myself, “I love gravy.”

10:49 Speaking of perverted. I’m fading fast, but I believe that an elderly asian gentlemen just said that a plant-based diet helps men continue to “raise the flag” so to speak. I know it’s nearly two hours in, but this movie officially has my attention.

10:54 Impressive string of anecdotal and clinical successes. Numerous individuals have had serious heart disease, diabetes, hypertension, fatigue, and all variety of other chronic conditions halted or even dramatically reversed.

10:55 Lick my fingers.

11:06 My wife and I discuss a hybrid strategy to incorporate, better, a plant-based diet for our family. Baby steps. Something like sporks over knoons.

But, speaking of cowardice errrr I mean “pain avoidance,” I don’t suspect I’ll have the guts to do any of this stuff. Because, frankly that’s what it will take in our culture of convenience and indulgence — some serious guts to change what we put in our guts.

I thought I’d repost the blong from a year ago.

Performed by ipoetlaureate. Music produced by Jaq from Germany.

Today’s song blog here:

It's like shhhhh

04/14/12

A Failure to Launch

It’s really too easy, right? The subconscious inferiority complex latent in a phallic rocket that fails to launch?

As we’ve discussed previously in blong, North Korea insisted on going forward with a missile launch otherwise condemned by the United States and the rational portion of the international community. North Korea said that its rocket launch aimed to put a satellite called Kwangmyongsong-3 (Shining Star) in orbit to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the birth of the regime’s founder, Kim Il Sung. But the United States and other countries had denounced the launch as an attempt to test the country’s ballistic missile capabilities. Apparently, various UN Security Council resolutions forbid Pyongyang to carry out missile or nuclear tests. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton observed, “There is no doubt that this satellite would be launched using ballistic missile technology.”

Unfortunately, at launch, the rocket impotently broke into pieces.

Good heavens, though. You’re not trying if you haven’t wrecked a billion dollar rocket. How many of ours have exploded or failed to get off the platform or, worse, killed an entire crew. The difference with North Korea is that, in all its privacy and isolation, it has necessarily placed so much more at stake. A rocket launch, flaunted in the face of the international community, is like an opportunity to vindicate their way of life and governance. There is nothing humorous or shameful about a failed missile launch. Unless, you’ve couched its success as a thing of great honor.

Kwangmyongsong apparently means shining star. And, we’re all trying to put ours in the heavens. It’s our basest instinct.

Plus, I’m mos def conjugating it kwangmyonblong from now on. Superstarnewsrapper?

Performed by ipoetlaureate. Music produced by pumpknFoot.

Today’s song blog here:

Shining Star

11/15/11

Top Flight

In its “Americans of the Year” Edition, Esquire has given Mark Kelly the cover. Kelly is the husband of Representative Gabrielle Giffords of Arizona, who was shot earlier this year at a public appearance, along with others. He has been noble at her side. And, she has made an against-all-odds recovery, even so far as a return to Congress. Kelly also happens to be an astronaut, which is pretty much the coolest thing you can ever be.

I covered the Giffords shooting and the privatization of space exploration earlier this year, here and here, respectively.

On this cloudy day in South Carolina, I thought I’d pull them back out to share. See below.

Performed by ipoet. Music for A Safe Way produced by pumpkinFoot. Music for Private Rocket produced by Sundance.

Today’s song blogs here:

A Safe Way

Private Rocket
 

05/9/11

A Food Experiment

It’s been a fairly big week for the ipoet. First, and I say this as respectfully as possible, I called the Osama “capture” at year’s start. And, now, just days later, my specific prediction that the Mavericks would defeat the Lakers in the second round has transpired, and I’m one round closer to the fulfillment of my January, and continuing, prediction that the Mavericks will win it all (see previous two links). Frankly, I’m not sure which call is more impressive. All the experts had the Mavericks losing to Portland in the first round. Certainly, no one had them knocking off the Lakers or winning the Championship. It’s a bold call. But, the Osama prediction, as crass as this will sound, may be the crown jewel of this site, second only to my sustained modesty. The fact that I may have missed severely on innumerable other wild guesses about the future should not distract your admiration.

Onto today’s topic.

I hate food raps. I’m rap philosophically opposed to them. Punchlines, metaphors, whatever. They’re almost always corny. So, today, in doing one, I’m breaking a longstanding and pat rule.

I recently heard Dr. Ann Kulze speak concerning the power of food. In 90% of what she said there was little new. Vegetables, fruits, nuts, beans, cut out white flour products. But, her enthusiasm for the elegant value of good foods was pretty inspirational. She calls them super foods. Sweet potatoes, tomatoes, apricots, peppers, Omega 3 eggs. The list goes on. But I was less motivated by the threat of the bad than the promise of the good. My son can be 6′ 4″!! And, I may have overreacted in racing to adopt an exclusive diet of soy nuts and Raisan Bran (still a fraction of the fiber contained in one bowl of Colon Blow). My wife doubts that a body could ever properly adjust.

Additionally, Friday was the debut of Forks Over Knives. The movie “examines the profound claim that most, if not all, of the degenerative diseases that afflict us can be controlled, or even reversed, by rejecting our present menu of animal-based and processed foods.”

I’m not a vegetarian or vegan or even a reasonably healthy eater. I like sausage and cream cheese dip, IBC root beer, and funnel cakes. I have no agenda in suggesting that a radical change in our diet might literally save our lives or make us super human. In fact, I generally have rejected such notions.

I’ve invented all of these half-baked ideas about genetics and nutrition and exercise that mostly justify my preexisting habits in regards to each. I’ve convinced myself that the blessing of my own good metabolism is a window that actual nutrition can barely budge to the right or left. This of course is ridiculous on any account but certainly in light of all I’ve heard this past week.

And, I was especially convicted by a sort of inconsistency of reason. In all of the nutrition debate, there is this push to return to a diet that was somehow original to man. This has always struck me as sort of preposterous. Original man ate roots because he didn’t have Raisinets. That seems pretty obvious. For the same reason, he spent all day chasing fire and not using a microwave. He didn’t have one. Old things aren’t better. They were just first. We would have no nostalgia for books if Gutenburg had miraculously invented the Nook instead of the printing press. Anyway, I just thought eating primitive tree fungi was sort of extreme. But, then it hit me, that for those of us who perceive Creation as a product of Design or even for those who believe in systematically functional evolution, symbioses between available plant based food and our health would be something to expect. And, yet, those in the camp who are most likely to ascribe purpose to the created order are most ready to reject the claims of, for lack of a better term, original diet.

My attention is picqued.

Jaq from Germany produced today’s song. His grandmother recently passed away and I wanted to honor her with his art.

Today’s song blog here:

It's like shhhhh

04/14/11

Over the Moon

I missed covering this news item a couple months back at the last launch of the Space Shuttle Discovery. But, NASA’s recent announcement concerning the final resting place of its remaining space shuttles has given me occasion to address it. NASA is discontinuing its space shuttle program. Why exactly NASA has to wholesale abandon entire genre of spacecraft is beyond my ability to guess. It’s a little known fact that we couldn’t get back to the moon today if our continued existence depended on it. They dismantled the necessary apparatus decades ago.

Anyway, the announcement drew some ire for having not included Houston as a destination. Without knowing all the facts, I would have to agree that it seems a regrettable slight.

The Space Shuttle defined a generation, in tragedy and hope. The great interstellar Orca.

President Obama has championed legislative initiatives, which have, and will, continue to move us towards commercial space flight. I’m excited for it. My hope is that the direction will only increase the chance that our kids and their kids will travel with increasing frequency as passengers and pilots. It’s on my bucket list too. When this rap news blog thing starts raking in the cash, I’m booking a flight out of the New Mexico terminal (oh the irony).

But, as always, there are two sides to every matter. Many think the privatization of our space program is detrimental to a healthy and controlled exploration and an affront to the institutional expertise and dedication of NASA’s excellent personnel over these many years. My Uncle-in-Law is a retired rocket scientist from NASA. I think his views on it are mixed to say the least. Like with commercial air flight, there is likely some balance of government regulation/participation/oversight and the sort of private enterprise and ingenuity, which has been the engine for all of our significant progress and innovation.

Take me back to the moon.

Performed by ipoet. Music produced by Sundance.

Today’s song blog here:

Private Rocket