08/25/14

Taking One for the Team

My dad was a beat cop and career FBI.

ben

I was preached the perils and uncertainties of law enforcement my whole life. You just don’t know what you’re about to face in a car stop or home search or raid. And, so the justification follows that police should be accorded some measure of grace when they act preemptively or out of self preservation, in the chaos and melee of the arrest. I mean, I would. But, I’m also frightened of small dogs and that movie Cloverfield. I shouldn’t do any job that requires more courage than is necessary to use a public urinal or maybe ask politely for a refill at Chili’s. I’d never be a cop.

But, in the Michael Brown shooting and aftermath it has struck me that this rationalization of force seems wrong. The default is off.

In the ambiguity of a criminal altercation, especially where there is no apparent threat of deadly force, the safety and health of the suspect still remains paramount. They are a citizen. Due criminal process. The police officer’s own self defense and preservation cannot be the priority.

Officers have to be ready to have the crap beat out of them on occasion.

If you can’t resist an assailant with something less than your firearm, then either you take it like a man in the face or else change professions. You don’t get to open fire. I guess you could also baby cry, like I would. That’s another option.

There is great disagreement over the details in Ferguson. But, even assuming Brown is in the vehicle window punching officer Wilson in the face, as his defense would contend, well then maybe that’s the price we have to pay sometimes to live in free society fearless that our own paid law enforcement won’t shoot us unless absolutely necessary.

I’m not a Ferguson protestor. Don’t lump me in. There are reasonably two sides to this story almost for certain. I’m just saying government has to take the high road here.

And, for all my law enforcement buddies, I’d qualify further. These are instantaneous choices made under pressurized circumstances. But, our justice system will vindicate your sacrifice, whether it be partial or complete. And, the moral leverage in taking the a$$ whooping will do more to reinforce the rule of law than any disproportionate and questionable show of deadly force you could justify or explain after the fact.

Cops choose to do this perilous job. And, they talk a pretty tough game. I should know. They big willie me all the time. Wait. That didn’t sound right. But, either you’re big enough to take some physical punishment in the name of protecting all our citizens, even when they don’t deserve it, or maybe you’re just not that big.

Performed by theipoetlaureate. Music produced by dj transform. Lyrics here.

Today’s blong here:

Big

08/24/14

And To The Ends of the Earth

My friend Noah G was out in front of the ISIS (Islamic State in Iraq and Syria) story before most. He does things like “watch the news” and “occasionally reads” and even “thinks critically.” Sort of a show off.

Here’s a picture of him snidely pondering the mysteries of the universe over my shoulder. Revolting.

noah

He started law school last week so now he’s going to be insufferable. I’d wish him luck and offer some advice, but I hate him.

But, on a late-night, not unpleasantly romantic stroll with Noah across the Chelsea High Line, he asked why Western people of religious faith don’t mobilize on behalf of foreign born Christians in the same way muslims do. I told him, easy. We have Bravo. Million Dollar Listing New York?

There has been an outpouring, sentimentally and actually, for the persecution of all sects at the hands of ISIS in recent weeks. But, Noah’s prescience hit home for me when I reacted disproportionately to James Foley’s death. The image of crucified arab Christians was gruesome and harrowing. But Foley’s death did that thing where you sort of feel real horror in your stomach. And, I knew immediately it was because the beheading of an American seemed more tragic somehow than the murder of arabs already culturally conditioned to it. Which is all nonsense, of course.

So I’m glad to be reminded that the commission to protect and love and care doesn’t end in Judea and Samaria.

Regardless of the nationality or religion of the victims, the whole circumstance is mayhem. A complete nightmare of moral and wartime and policy proportion.

And, as if we needed any more bad PR, it looks like the beheading suspect is a British rapper. Of course he is.

Performed by ipoetlaureate. Music produced by djclutch. Lyrics here.

Today’s blong here:

Something to Choose

08/23/14

Back to School

lighthouse kids

And, now for my annual and inappropriately scholastic double entrendre.

Written and performed by theipoetlaureate. Music produced Dalama Jones. Lyrics here.

Today’s blong here:

Pick Up Lines

08/22/14

Bat Signal

You know how in every comic book movie the hero has a crisis of faith? Loses the girl. Suffers defeat. Questions himself. And, then just disappears. Retreated into solitude. To reconsider his purpose. To question his calling. Might review, from his fortress or lair, a video montage from his home planet and tragically deceased parents. Or stare wistfully into the eyes of his own crumpled mask. The people of planet earth or some generalized metropolitan city abandoned to the unchecked lawlessness of villainy. Puppy-eyed children look helplessly into the sky for a return. Some sign. Hero-betrayed.

And, then, in the moment of greatest need, splashed across the sky, a contrail of flight or burst of light or silhouetted, back-lit signal.

bat signal 2

Yeah. He’s back.

(Large disembodied head emoji courtesy of Tommy Wilkinson.)

04/19/14

And He Was Numbered With The Transgressors

Sometimes it causes me to tremble.

empty tomb

Performed by the ipoetlaureate d/b/a sintax.the.terrific and playdough (collectively deepspace5). Music produced by Alex Goose.

Today’s song blog here:

Rise

04/17/14

Freedom Trail Reprise

I’ll plagiarize myself from a year ago. I can’t say it any differently:

If you’ve ever been to Boston you’ve probably been forced to walk, likely by a mom or wife, some portion of the “Freedom Trail” against your will. You have to wonder why one must abandon so much self determination to walk a trail named “freedom” but, anyway. The Freedom Trail is, of course, a walking tour of Boston’s historic sites, where I’m proud to say I had a pair of Stan Smith’s re-cobbled only a few years ago. I also had a bracelet smithed out of a soup spoon.

Liberty is a type of collusion. An agreement among everyone to respect the rule of law in service of freedom. It’s completely voluntary.

Collusions, however, are easily broken. In fact, there is extraordinarily high incentive to do so. Our susceptibility to violence, therefore, is evidence of how well and complete the collusion of our liberty is working. We’re easy pickings. When an assailant from within or without violates the contract — the agreement not to fall into anarchy — they exact from us a cost. A toll for being so free, so open, so liberated. Our martyrs, whether at a marathon or in an elementary school or on a skyscraper, are a kind of penance paid to democracy and inalienable rights. Like a soldier or revolutionary, when we are murdered exercising our freedoms, even ones as routine as a road race, it is literally a kind of patriotic act. Every mundane act of our lives is a declaration that we would be free in spite of the ongoing danger to do so.

Pronation. It’s not just the roll of your foot when you run. It’s what we are when we run. Pro-Nation.

And, they’ll run again this weekend. A marathon and a freedom trail.

boston-marathon-map

Performed by ipoetlaureate. Music produced by juiceboxjackson.

Today’s blong here:

Pronation

03/30/14

News Genius

Oh if I had a nickel for every time I was called one.

It also happens to be the name of a news archive site that now hosts lyrics to my Press Junket blongs!

news_genius

News Genius is a family of sites, including Rap Genius, which, in the tradition of Wikipedia, relies on crowdsourcing to accumulate content and related annotations. For example, if one of my songs were to ridiculously reference Monopoly’s billionaire mascot, Uncle Pennybags, a site user could post the song and annotate that particular lyric to explain the reference. This is all totally hypothetical, of course. No one would ever say Uncle Pennybags in a rap. In gang parlance, that would make you a mark.

So my man Methus has volunteered to post my blong entries and begin the annotation process. But, the clever thing about it is that anyone can join him! Feel free to transcribe past blongs or contribute to exposition of lyrics already uploaded. If nothing else, for me, news genius will be a good library of my blong material and compliment to what I do here. I hope it expands your enjoyment.

Sincerely, the News Genius

03/23/14

Appall Bearer

Fred Phelps Sr., founder and pastor of Westboro Baptist Church, died this week. The members of Westboro Baptist Church, over a 20 year period of time, have used military funerals as a vehicle to protest and prophesy the judgment of God over the alleged sexual sins of America, principally homosexuality and child abuse in the Catholic church.  Their protests have infamously employed signage that expressed among other and equally horrible things, “America is Doomed”; “Pope in Hell”; “Semper Fi Fags”; and “God Hates You.”

Regardless of your worldview, there is judgment in death, either for its brutal clarity or its terrible meaninglessness. Phelps knows now for certain which.

fred phelps

Performed by theipoetlaureate.  Music produced by dj clutch.

Today’s retread blong here:

god Hates You

03/18/14

Insider Trading

There is a billion dollars at stake. That’s like 10 or 12 times a million dollars. At least. Let’s just say it’s a LOT. Like graphing calculator type stuff. And, so I have spared no resource in preparing my NCAA March Madness bracket this year. Expert statisticians. Advanced metrics. Historical trends. Time travel. I took 50 jumpers. Wore a tank top.  

And, no matter how improbable it may seem, know that I made these recommendations based on my own research and analysis and prior to this past week’s games. Just check the publication date. Totally ahead of time. Not after I watched all the games or specifically the Monday after all the games. Totally last Tuesday. Errr, I mean today.  I know some of these are pretty dubious but I just have a really good feeling. Almost like I’ve seen them already.

So, I would like to make the following, way-ahead, totally legitimate picks:

Mercer over Duke. I mean nothing crazy here. Pretty popular upset choice.

Harvard over Cincinnati. Sure.

North Dakota State over Oklahoma. Uh huh.

Dayton over Ohio State. Duh.

Then Dayton over Syracuse. Double duh.

Stanford over Kansas. Obviously.

And, of course Tennessee in the Sweet 16. I’m not telling you anything you didn’t already know though.

So, I’m sure none of this will happen. But, if it does, it’s because I’m a total basketball genius.

The ipoetlaureate knows a little thing about banging on the boards:

me and kris rotated updated

Not to be racist but guess who’s not getting the rebound here?

Performed by ipoetlaureate. Music produced by djclutch.

Today’s song blog and annual tradition here:

The Madness

03/4/14

A Penalty Box

Luckily, I have an operative on the ground.

bugsy moran

Alias: Bugsy Moran.
Education: Elementary, Middle, and High Schools; rigorous 12 week correspondence course in drawing; Driver’s ed; BDP’s You Must Learn; and going to a lot of Russian type places.
Fluencies: English, Russian, 90s era R&B slang, and MLB rulebook.
Expertise: Snideness; disdain; condescension; karate; knows which hand to use for balls and which hand to use for strikes (that didn’t sound right); and the ability to blend into any college Sunday School class without being seen. Like literally seems as though he’s not ever there. Brilliant.

This Ukrainian offensive by Russia seems like overcompensation, right? Some residual hockey stick envy.

We beat them in Group Play.

They get bounced in the quarters.

No medal in Sochi.

russian hockey

So let’s pick a fight with Ukraine.

These geo-ethnic controversies are frustrating. A product of contrived borders and old regimes. The Ukraine recently ousted its pro-Russian President, Viktor Yanukovych, only to have Russia threaten some military response, including occupation of the largely Russian speaking Crimea region of the Ukraine.

Many have proposed that Europe exercise leverage over the Russian elite by freezing so many of their financial assets as are invested there. Apparently even Russians don’t trust Russia with their wealth and have moved it out of the country in significant amounts. Europe could pressure point Russia’s affluent class to sway it’s political one into pulling back from its border with Ukraine and the Crimea region.

But, that would mean Europe would have to be willing to shudder that extra and robust economic activity. Russians are betting they won’t. I was trying to explain to my son the other day that sometimes we can’t be courageous in life because of dependency. Fossil fuels. Tobacco. Slavery. We can’t change course because the institution or the infrastructure is too big and important to us. It creates too much revenue or jobs or security or normalcy.

Everyone agrees this is a bad look for Russia and devastating for the Ukrainian people. The G8 has plenty of methods in sanction.

The question is how badly do we really want them out?

Written and performed by theipoetlaureate. Music produced Haralduz7.

Today’s blong here:

Crimea River