01/24/12

Signed Memorabilia

I almost passed out at my first baseball card show. I was like 14, maybe. My mom drove me to the local Marriott where it was hosted. I paid, I suppose, the $5 admission and then stepped into the ballroom/expo/conference hall gone third-world market bananas. If you’ve mercifully never been to a memorabilia show, it’s full of people (and by people I mean, men) who have zero regard for hygiene or hardly pants, even. But, there are baseball cards. Like Mayan-temple, bricked-high boxes of baseball cards you’ve only dreamed of seeing. I ran around the circuit of vendor tables twice, stumbled back out into the lobby clinching my Beckett Monthly, and then collapsed in hyper-ventilation next to my mom. I really didn’t think I would be able to go back in. It was too amazing.

A staple of card shows is signed memorabilia. Cards. Balls. Game worn jerseys. Chewed chaw. Athletic supporters.

Last night’s State of the Union felt like this weird double dare of an address where President Obama kept taunting congress to send him all this legislation that he would just sign. “I’ll do it,” he kept threatening. As everyone seemed to slip lower and lower into their chairs, desperately agreeing, “Okay, man, whatever you want.” “Energy bills.” “Congressional insider trading bills.” “Gas bills.” “Your restaurant check.” “A 1984 Topps limited edition Tony Gwynn.” “A bottle of syrup.” What began as rigorous clapping quickly devolved into a sort of collective cowering as the offers got weirder and weirder. “Small domesticated animals.” “A handful of Fritos.” “A Box Set of 24 Season 3.” “I’ll sign ‘em. You just wait!”

The President has plainly turned his attention to the 2012 election and has deftly co-opted the right’s language of a leaner more efficient government. In one of the all-time, oratory plot twists, he admitted that Washington was broken. The address was generally strong and laid out what the President termed “A Blueprint” of future success, which seemed to include American auto manufacturing, American energy, American values, and some lady from Charlotte with two-toned bangs.

Perfectly, one of the most prolific hip-hop contributors of a generation, Jay-Z, had a series of three albums, painstakingly entitled, The Blueprint, The Blueprint 2, and The Blueprint III. You can’t make this stuff up. I have doubts about any rapper that needs three full sets of schematics.

Anyway, in honor of the President’s “blueprint,” I paid homage to Jay-Z’s hook in the refrain for tonight’s blong. As elementary as the original.

So, basically if you didn’t watch the SoU and you have no idea who Jay-Z is, this song will make about as much sense to you as three albums by the same name.

Oh, behave.

Performed by ipoet. Music produced by pumpkinFoot.

Today’s song blog here:

SofU: The Blueprint IV