10/15/14

The End

Too tired to make Ebola jokes. Just trust me. This does not end well. I’ve seen all the movies. The strain mutates in a way no one predicts. Becomes airborne or contractable via Snapchat. You’ll meet up with a Sheriff from Georgia and his son. Over orders from his parents to stay close, the son will constantly leave the main group only to attract the attention of infected zombie hoards in increasingly preposterous ways and thereby repeatedly imperil himself and the group. He will inherit his dad’s gun and full-brimmed hat and an insufferable personality. You will pray each week for his morbid demise. It will never happen. All your favorite characters from the show, umm, I mean friends, will die. But, Carl, errr, I mean this hypothetically probable future acquaintance, will continue to boss adults around, be allowed to possess a firearm, and generally not die.

Or, maybe an infected nurse will just fly commercial. And, it will be too late.

I beg you, don’t let this happen to us:

ipoet

Performed by theipoetlaureate. Music produced by DNL. Lyrics here.

Today’s blong here:

Too Late

10/13/13

Love Hurts Too

In honor of the Walking Dead premiere tonight and watching romantically with your significant, albeit potentially undead, other, a Press Junket love song and classic below.

As many of you are aware, my wife has walked among the non-living for years now. Dead eyes. Blood lust. Poor hygiene. Travels in roving packs of girlfriends to the lavatory. Typical signs.

Look. She’s hideous.

susan and me daytona

I narrowly escaped this brutal attack.

Written and performed by theipoetlaureate. Music produced by djclutch.

Today’s song blog here:

Walking Dead

10/14/12

Love Hurts

So we just switched from Directv to DISH to save some cash on our monthly television bill. I know. That’s like going to only one Tahoe to save on gas or drinking a diet soda at a Mongolian Barbeque to save on calories. Baby steps. Except if the baby couldn’t actually take any steps at all.

Unfortunately, in the process we lost AMC. They’ve been in a significant contract battle with DISH since the summer. And, whatever hopes there might have been of rectifying the fallout seem all but dashed now considering AMC’s around the clock campaign against DISH. Very subtle. I think they’ve blamed DISH for everything from daylight savings time to asthma. I might have miread it, but I think I saw an ad which implied that DISH was responsible each time an ice cream cone melts.

I have no dog in the fight. I just needed to save like 50 bones a month.

Anyway, Guess what premeired tonight on AMC? Walking Dead Season 3. You know. The serial zombie apocalypse show, where they push arrows through the eyes of the undead and watch their loved ones meet unspeakable ends.

And, guess what my wife’s and my favorite romantic drama is? Walking Dead.

So, guess what we’re not getting to watch tonight? Yup. Walking Dead.

AMC offered a live stream. If you guessed that the site crashed for the traffic you would be dead right, in a manner of speaking.

This is literally our favorite show. We’re night owls anyway. Her photos. My music. But, it’s like we’ve survived something together after every episode. She knows full well that I would die within 4 or 5 seconds of the apocalypse. But, she’s sweet not to say anything. Sometimes she’ll even try and build me up, like, “If it wasn’t for your bad eye, slight build, and chronic indeciveness you could be as fearless as Shane.”

I don’t think I’ve ever written my wife a love song. Maybe a couple lines here or there but never a whole song. Sort of pitiful, right? I mean, I even did a song for that face transplant guy.

So, tonight, melancholy for not being able to watch the premier, and in honor of the romance it brings us, I dedicate this blong.

UPDATE: We got to watch it! They mentioned Greenville, SC. A guy got his leg amputated with a hatchet. And then we kissed a lot. Perfect night.

Written and performed by theipoetlaureate. Music produced by djclutch.

Today’s song blog here:

Walking Dead