2013 Year in Review

What did you expect from a year that ended in the number 13? Tasteful pop star performances and privacy on your cellular calls? 8, 20, 14, 17, 39 and 7 in the Mega Millions lottery? (If so, that’s a really, really specific set of expectations.)

I mean, it was never going to go well. It was numerologically cursed from the jump. And, true to form, it was a real stinker. For the president (NSA, Obamacare). For privacy (Eric Snowden, Facebook). For the Middle East (Syria, Egypt, Iran). For southern reality tv show stars (Paula Dean, Duck Dynasty). For victims (Sandy Hook, Trayvon Martin, Boston Marathoners, Colorado, Amanda Berry et al.). For truth telling (Manti Teo, twerking, Lance Armstrong). For pop stars. Actually, they had another really great year. (Cyrus, Macklemore, and Pope Francis)

For me. (Blonging was down 50% and my cats ran away)

All unlucky.

But, the weird part about a year in review is how we like to try and puzzle together all of these unrelated stories into some coherent tale, Magnolia style. What was 2013 about?

But for those individuals, who comprise our news, the news story is their 2013. It’s not part of some bigger 12 month tapestry. George Zimmerman does’t know Ariel Castro. (Although we sure would have preferred he’d profiled him instead.) The “news” they lived was their life.

So, Michelle Knight won’t remember 2013 as the Year of the Big Hoax. “Silly Jimmy Kimmel!”

And, Eric Snowden won’t be making a slideshow of his Instagram Greatest Hits.

And, I’m doubting that Pope Francis is Obama’s Person of the Year.

They lived it.

And, so no matter what Time or CNN or MTV or Carson Daly or Twitter tells you, your 2013 wasn’t about Miley Cyrus or Mayor Rob Ford or rainbow looms or government shutdowns or even Mandela.

2013 was about your life. Your accomplishments. Your failures. Your accolade. Your scandal. And maybe that makes 2013 better or worse than were you to vicariously adopt the lives of complete strangers. But, at least it’s yours.

This year kids thought it was funny to try and “knockout” complete strangers. Here’s to a rash of unsuspecting assaults of affection in the new year.

Performed by ipoetlaureate. Music produced by fab da eclectic.

The year’s last blong here:

Knockout 2013

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