12/19/14

Ho Ho Ho

black+santa+vintage+image+graphicsfairy

I was pretty sure this had already been resolved 25 years ago. Santa is plainly black:

But, every year I take an extra second to make the case.

Most people I talk to agree that a child is entitled to think Santa is black. But, they usually think so for a bunch of really wrong reasons. In an informal poll of friends, I was given the following incorrect answers as to why it’s okay for black children to believe in a black santa:

1. “Everyone’s equal.” True. I think. But wrong.

2. “The president is black.” Verifiably true. Absolutely no justification for believing in a black santa.

3. “Because their dads are black.” Presumptuous, even if true on average. Actually, a pretty decent answer considering dad’s are Santa.

4. “A black santa would be more athletic.” Racist. But, true.

5. “The commercialization of the Santa Clause was instigated at a time when the marginalizationizing of the African-American community lacked the intrinsic power of self-determination to affect any resistance to the coronation of a colonialist agenda to institutionalize the white man as jolly.” Dig.

6. “Jesus was black.” Well played.

HE’S. NOT. REAL!!!!!! Thus, you can picture him however you dang like!!!!! Holy crap.

You can imagine him pigmy. Or made of cheez whiz. Or infatuated with martial arts. Or dancing Shag. It’s make believe. And, the historical analysis of the ethnicity of Saint Nicholas is even more entertaining. Santa Claus has about as much to do with St. Nicholas as Tim Allen.

I happen to imagine him extra terrestrially tentacled. That would be awesome. And, super efficient.

Performed by theipoetlaureate. Music produced by Jaq.
Today’s blong here:

Rap King Cole

12/24/13

And Pondered Them In Her Heart

shepherds

Merry Christmas.

Performed by ipoetlaureate and Sojourners Music. Music produced by djclutch.

Evergreen

12/15/13

Brian Boitano

That’s right.

The ipoetlaureate taking his kids on the high side, Apolo Ohno style.

ice skating

Performed by ipoet. Music produced by djclutch.

Today’s song blog here:

Tree Trim

12/10/13

Blowmold B-boys

blowmold bboy

Santa Claus is coming, son.

Performed by ipoetlaureate. Music produced by Dave Santos.

Today’s blong here:

Christmas Lights

12/1/13

Prospector

I’d like to be in on the ground floor just once. I’ve pretty much been late to all the major parties.

Checkered Vans.

Coldplay.

Instagram.

YOLO.

And, now it’s apparently too late to be hip to bitcoins.

The Winklevoss Twins are buying it all up and the market has seen the digitial currency rise to
over $1000 in value. Basically, if you hear about it for the first time on CNN, you’re one of the last three people in the world to know, including my parents who watch TV with one of those language censoring v-chips. By the time I finally saw Paul Walker on the front of CNN.com, the web had confirmed his death, deemed it a hoax, re-confirmed it, and then cast him in the sequel to that Fast and Furious franchise, 2 Fast 2 Furious.

Wait. You’re saying that movie has already been made?

See? This is what I’m talking about. Who knew they had made more than one. Awesome.

Anyway, once simply the tender of the dark web’s illicit activity, bitcoins are officially mainstream and I’m going to be like every other schmoe paying full market price.

Digitial currency is coming. Bitcoins may be the technologically prehistoric Myspace to the Facebook of something more durable. But, this is inevitable.

So I plan on mining a LOT Of bitcoins, Yukon Cornelius style.

But, the advent of Christmas reminds us about real value and that a prospector sometimes looks for riches in unexpected places, like an abominable snowhuman or a dentistry-aspiring elf or an isolated land mass of marginalized toys.

That’s how you get in on the ground floor, I suppose. By looking in all the places no one else will.

Performed by theipoetlaureate. Music produced by Jaq.
Today’s blong here:

Yukon Cornelius
[Please share with a friend, family member, or co-worker. That’s how news rap gets famous. And, by “news rap,” I mean “me.”]

12/21/12

Shiny Things

Every year our family mobs deep in the Honda Odyssey, eating Trans-Fat-Free Krispy Kreme and checking for seasonal lawn decorations.

krispy kreme kids

It’s become one of my favorite traditions. Along with shopping road rage, of course. I probably would have used a certain merry hand gesture to express my displeasure the other day but I was too busy texting and driving. Sheesk that other guy. (Wait, what did you think I meant? No, not that one. We call it the “Baptist Bird.” It’s more like a “thumbs up” or “I’ll be on my way now!”)

Whether you’re into decorated houses or just the celebratory tinsel of the season, our culture has a preoccupation with shiny things. I try to keep two thoughts in mind: (1) not everyone’s December is full of cheer and (2) there is a more significant Light that should never be obscured by ice cycle ones and snow globes.

Speaking of distraction, peep this vintage blowmold Santa we bought! Now that’s the true meaning of Christmas. Plug-in plastic!

blowmold santa

Until next weekend, it will mostly be seasonal themed songs. You’ll have to get your news the ol’ fashioned way, I guess.

From the Colbert Report.

Happy Holiday and a Merry Christmas!

Performed by ipoetlaureate. Music produced by Dave Santos.

Today’s blong here:

Christmas Lights

12/5/12

Oh Christmas Tree

Consider the tree trimmed, ninjas.

Performed by ipoet. Music produced by djclutch.

Today’s song blog here:

Tree Trim