12/20/13

Rising Action

I write for a living. And, so I enjoy good copy and a nice turn. But, whoever is doing the correspondence for North Korea is plainly from the future of writing. Or maybe the sideways of writing. Like a type of writing that runs parallel to actual writing. He’s like the North Korean Homer. Or maybe the Commie Charles Shultz. Epic comedy.

In a prior statement North Korea had announced a “Special Operation Action Group,” ambitiously proposing the annihilation of South Korea within a very, very, very narrow timeframe:

Once the above-said special actions kick off, they will reduce all the rat-like groups and the bases for provocations to ashes in three or four minutes, in much shorter time, by unprecedented peculiar means and methods of our own style.

Just yesterday, in reaction to recent South Korean protests, North Korea facsimiled over a statement that again threatened plans to “strike mercilessly without notice,” which is kind of interesting insofar as the facsimile appears to constitute the precise thing they blood-swore to never, ever give. Notice. Maybe they just meant no additional honk at the end of the driveway. I also love how we’re at a technological point where hearing that something was faxed sounds to our ear like an admission to cobbling one’s own shoes. Or smoking a corn pipe.

twain pipe
(The ipoetlaureate enjoying a good drag.)

In the past, the ipoetlaureate has been privy to additional details about the “unprecedented peculiar means and methods of our own style.” I previously took the liberty of making an English translation of the North Korean threats reduced to music and which also reprises arguably the most famous rap line I’ve ever written (@ 1:40).

I have posted the blong again below in light of yesterday’s additional threats. Here’s to a LOT more pen-pallory between these great giants of discourse in the new year.

Words ostensibly by Kim Jung Un’s personal copywrite. Translation and performance by the ipoetlaureate. Music produced by djclutch.

Today’s song blog here:

The Unprecedented Peculiar Means and Methods of Our Own Style

04/23/12

3 or 4 Minutes

North Korea released this statement, today, about a “Special Operation Action Group,” ambitiously proposing the annihilation of South Korea within a very narrow timeframe:

Once the above-said special actions kick off, they will reduce all the rat-like groups and the bases for provocations to ashes in three or four minutes, in much shorter time, by unprecedented peculiar means and methods of our own style.

The ipoetlaureate has received additional details about the “unprecedented peculiar means and methods of our own style.” I took the liberty of making an English translation reduced to music which also reprises arguably the most famous rap line I’ve ever written (@ 1:40).

Words ostensibly by Kim Jung Un. Translated and performed by the ipoetlaureate. Music produced by djclutch.

Today’s song blog here:

The Unprecedented Peculiar Means and Methods of Our Own Style

04/14/12

A Failure to Launch

It’s really too easy, right? The subconscious inferiority complex latent in a phallic rocket that fails to launch?

As we’ve discussed previously in blong, North Korea insisted on going forward with a missile launch otherwise condemned by the United States and the rational portion of the international community. North Korea said that its rocket launch aimed to put a satellite called Kwangmyongsong-3 (Shining Star) in orbit to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the birth of the regime’s founder, Kim Il Sung. But the United States and other countries had denounced the launch as an attempt to test the country’s ballistic missile capabilities. Apparently, various UN Security Council resolutions forbid Pyongyang to carry out missile or nuclear tests. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton observed, “There is no doubt that this satellite would be launched using ballistic missile technology.”

Unfortunately, at launch, the rocket impotently broke into pieces.

Good heavens, though. You’re not trying if you haven’t wrecked a billion dollar rocket. How many of ours have exploded or failed to get off the platform or, worse, killed an entire crew. The difference with North Korea is that, in all its privacy and isolation, it has necessarily placed so much more at stake. A rocket launch, flaunted in the face of the international community, is like an opportunity to vindicate their way of life and governance. There is nothing humorous or shameful about a failed missile launch. Unless, you’ve couched its success as a thing of great honor.

Kwangmyongsong apparently means shining star. And, we’re all trying to put ours in the heavens. It’s our basest instinct.

Plus, I’m mos def conjugating it kwangmyonblong from now on. Superstarnewsrapper?

Performed by ipoetlaureate. Music produced by pumpknFoot.

Today’s song blog here:

Shining Star

12/21/11

Camp 22

It’s easy to Team America mock the Dear Leader. He looked and behaved a fool.

And, it’s a credit to the complexity of the human psyche that, merely as a function of physical and emotional distance, we so easily dismember the comedy of a totalitarian murderer from the tragedy he imposed. Kim Jong Il operated one of the most brutally savage regimes in the history of mankind. Many rulers have butchered their own citizens. I’m not sure any have done so as heinously as Kim Jong Il, in modern times, while simultaneously demanding the kind of obsequious displays of affection he did. Through contrived famine and labor and prison camps he killed millions of people. Mass Games to his glory that he simply chose not to attend. Again, these are the ironic hallmarks of abuse at any level — violence and guilt. He was just really sadistically good at both. And, maybe the most harrowing part is the the tent of isolation under which North Koreans have performed for so many decades.

So, in case you just got around to caring, Kim Jong Il isn’t a fictional marionette imagined by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. He was a real dude. And, don’t be confused by the silence emanating from the peninsula or maybe even your local paper. The screams were all nightmarish if you had been there to hear them.

There is various legend around his birth and childhood. Some aggrandizing, some excusing, some accusing. He was romantically born in a cabin on Mt. Paekdu along the North Korea and China border. Propaganda has it that his mother told him that the mountain was where his father had defeated the Japanese and that someday it should be his home. At three, his younger brother drowned in a pond at their estate in Pyongyang. Some have suggested the drowning occurred at Jong Il’s already pathological hand. There is no good evidence for it. His mother died from pregnancy complications just two years later. It’s always easy to pin adult wickedness on childhood trauma. But, maybe too often it’s something of the exact opposite. Maybe this sort of imperial wickedness flows from too much privilege. Lives with no difficulty leading to power without empathy. Maybe, Jong Il was simply a product of sugar and spice and everything nice. Maybe, that’s what dictators are made of. Oh, and failed communism.

My bad, yesterday. This song is not catchy or for kids. 2 obituary songs in a week’s time right before the holidays. Nice.

Performed by ipoet. Produced by pumpkinFoot.

Today’s song blog here:

Sugar and Spice