Some of my biggest fans are spam. These trolling algorithmically generated comments really know how to make a man feel good. It’s indecipherable flattery like the following that gives me the strength and inspiration to daily press on.

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Getting people out of their comfort zone:

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Still huge with Third Reich stenographers, apparently. This comment has been amazed me, too.

Appealing to mens’ interests:

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You know you’re made when there exists polling data on your popularity among various demographics that even a software can locate. Wait. Why only most guys?

For some, I’m persistence paid off:

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Manuals love me. They tend to know exactly what’s worth enough for them. And what’s not. They also remember what the internet was like than ever before.

For others, I’m a role model and resource:

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I can’t believe the jersey of one of the guys on my fantasy football team is a regular here. Not to mention, a burgeoning web developer, apparently. (Nice work, jersey of Jordy Nelson!.)

This comment apparently spent years in R&D before submission. Plainly, the engineering paid off:

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Wait, I think that was just a neighbor. Regardless, it’s the highest sort of compliment to be credited with someone’s very existence inside a website and to finally be acknowledged as having valuable tricks. #Humbled.

I thought this last one was a little creepy until I saw the author. Makes total sense now, though:

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